My Agoraphobic Pregnancy

     Well I am glad to say I finally stopped throwing up, but sad to say that the pregnancy hormones have not only worsened my anxiety/agoraphobia but I have also been fighting what feels like a whole new mental illness. I really don't know what it is. I can best describe it as horrendous intrusive thoughts and nonstop panic attacks. I am not functional anymore. I can not even get in the car without major problems. When I started writing this blog I had gotten much better and was focused on traveling but now I have been knocked to the bottom floor or actually the basement as far as my progress is concerned. I wish I had something my cheerful to write about but this blog is me and the truth is I'm struggling.

Surprise .. Surprise!

     A few weeks ago I became sick with what felt like a stomach bug, but to my surprise it was no stomach bug. I found out I am pregnant. I also found out over the next couple of weeks that I was suffering from Hyperemesis gravidarum. They really don't know what causes HG but I can tell you what my symptoms are.. Nonstop puking. I am down to a jello/cracker/water diet and it's hardly staying down. I have went online, researched it and found some very informative sites including this wonderful site http://www.helpher.org/ . My doctor also explained that it usually lasts for about the first 20 weeks in most people but for some the whole pregnancy (please let me be part of the first group). So that means about 13 more weeks for me (feeling like I could cry). The doctor also explained that weeks 10-14 tend to be the absolute worst and to have a support system in place to bring groceries to the house and take me to the hospital for IVs and care as often as necessary.  With the worst yet to come my concern is depression because I have already spent many a day crying on the bathroom floor because I am sick 24/7. And on bed rest for the next 12 weeks. My anxiety is in overdrive.. I am going to research ways to try to prevent or deal with depression since I seem to be starting to feel very miserable. Will post and share my findings soon. Hope everyone is doing well. HUGS!!

Happy Birthday Mom

       Last weekend was my mother's birthday. She turned 56 years young :). My mother and I haven't always had the best relationship as she is Bi-polar and with my agoraphobia/panic disorder we have bumped heads and had a quite few times of not speaking to each other over the years, but we are always in the learning process of each other’s illnesses. With that being said, I knew it was important to her for me to attend her birthday party. So I made a plan...

Agoraphobic Adventure: Beach Time

     Our Agoraphobic adventure was going to a small beach near by. It was a short drive (and thankfully within my comfort zone) so I could actually sit and relax. The beach was pretty much empty so we spent the afternoon making sand castles and just enjoying being out of the house :)

Follow Me on Bloglovin :)

Follow my blog with Bloglovin <--- Click Link :)

What To Do When Anxiety Starts To Rise? Coping Techniques...

Over the years I have been taught many coping techniques to use when I experience a panic attack. Some of these have worked for me and some not but everyone is different. Hopefully some of the tips listed with ease some of the anxiety.

1. Breathing techniques - Breathing techniques can slow you breathing down and help reduce anxiety. Here are a couple links that instruct you on breathing techniques. http://panicdisorder.about.com/b/2011/06/28/breathing-exercises-for-panic-disorder.htm


http://www.livestrong.com/article/100266-breathing-exercises-panic-attacks/

2. Relaxing your muscles - To relax your muscles concentrate on tightening each muscle, holding it for a few seconds, and then relaxing. I like to start at the top and work my way down. Tighten your neck muscles, hold it for a few seconds, and then relax. Next tighten your shoulders, hold, then relax. Repeat this all the way down to your toes and concentrate on each muscle as you tighten it.

3. Change surroundings - If you are in a crowded space or are out in an open space change your surroundings. If you are in a crowded room see if there is a space that it less crowded and noisy or step out for a bit and give yourself a change to calm down. If you are in a big open space or store and would feel more comfortable in a smaller setting, find a bathroom or small aisle in a store to try to get your nerves a break.

4. Drink cold water - Sip some cold water or splash cold water on your face or pat it on the back of your neck. A lot of times when I panic I get flushed and very hot instantly and this helps.

5. Don’t flee - I know this is much easier said than done (trust me I understand), but if you run out of the building (i.e. grocery store, Dr. Office, restaurant) it lets your brain associate those places with danger and it makes it harder to go back. Just try to ride out the panic as long as you can. I may pace around, be shaky, and need to use every coping technique I know but if the anxiety subsides while you are there your body will start not associate that location as a danger to you.

6. Journal or Blog - Keep a journal of your feelings in a notebook or on a computer where ever you feel comfortable as a place to express your thoughts and sometimes seeing how you feel on paper can help you look at it in a different way and you can start to see the positives in your day and not just the anxiety. Blogging is also great because when I am out trying to push myself to go to new places I always think of my blog because even just one person reads it and is encouraged by a post them I feel like I am making a difference and helping someone else conquer their fears.

7. Keep a list of what works - Let’s face it, when I'm in the middle of an attack I can hardly think. Keep a list of coping techniques that help on a small piece of paper you can keep with you and look at when you need to.

8. Doing something repetitious - Count backwards, Count skipping every 3rd or 4th number, spell things backwards (anything.. i.e. your name, your address, your favorite movie titles). I also will count floor or ceiling tiles if I have to.

9. Imagery - Close your eyes, if possible if not just look down, and imagine yourself someplace that calms you. Whatever makes you feel calm, it could be picturing a quiet walking path, a beach, your home, or whatever makes you feel at ease. You could also keep a picture of a calm place on your phone or carry a photo and stare at it and imagine yourself there. Imagine the air, smells, sounds, and just you calming relaxing there.

10. Distraction - Get your mind on something else. Flip through a magazine while you walk around, clean up something, organize something, get an interesting app on your phone (I use Instagram because it's all pictures and it catches my attention), walk around, do or read something that catches your interest.

11. Walk - Move around, walk, do jumping jacks, walk backwards, skip, it doesn't matter. When you have an anxiety attack you have adrenaline running through you and it can make you shaky, your heart race and you need to distract yourself and burn off adrenaline so get moving.

12. Use positive self-talk - Make a sentence or a few sentences and repeat... repeat... repeat. For example repeat is a calm voice to yourself quietly or silently "I will be OK, this will pass". Stop "what if" thinking before it spirals out of control, even if you have to yell the word stop to yourself, then continue with your positive sentence.

13. Message a panic buddy - Make a friend with panic disorder and become panic buddies. I don't recommend giving your number or personal information to a stranger, but there are ways to communicate otherwise. You can contact through email or instant message. There are also phone apps that you can instant message/text through your phone by using your email address and not your name and actual phone number. Then when you have an attack you can contact them and they may be able to talk to you till you are calm or at least offer support.

14. Cool off - Get by a fan, near a window, or step outside. I feel very hot when I am having anxiety and cooling off can help bring some relief.


15. Stop sensory overload - Put on headphones, turn on light music, wear sunglasses or look down at the floor. Try to minimize all the noises, lights and motion around you from overwhelming you until the anxiety can pass.

These are a few tips I have learned over the years. I hope they can help. Please share any tips you have that might help with anxiety. Thanks :)

How I Got My Son To Eat Salmon

I've already admitted to not being the best cook, but I am pretty pleased that I .. FINALLY got my son to eat salmon. I love it but rarely prepare it because no one would eat it except me. This recipe was fairly simple and the prep and clean up were really easy, which is great for me because some days even making a sandwich seems like a lot of work (Thanks again anxiety and fatigue). But on a brighter note this recipe was delicious and my son even had to agree. Salmon Wraps